I’ve kept a journal since I was in the first grade (back then I called it a diary and even started my entries with, ‘Dear Diary’). My journal entries now are few and far between and usually abrupt, but I still try to write down something whenever I remember I have my journal. The entries usually start with ‘I’m so tired’.
I was writing in my journal tonight (about how tired I was), but stopped (because I was too tired) and started to read random entries. These two made me smile so hard that I had to type them up.
I started the first entry and didn’t finish, and the second one is the next entry that fleshes the first out.
I just had my second to last improv 101 class.
11/14/11 6:43pm Monday
I wish I knew what I was going to write about my second to last improv class. I’m sure it would have been something along the lines of ‘I never knew I could be so happy. I want to do this for the rest of my life, etc., etc., etc!’
I had my graduation performance on October 15, 2011 and it was with a doubt the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I really can’t remember one moment in my life when I’ve been that happy.
[I’m omitting a part where I talk about the set because it doesn’t make sense if you didn’t see it.]
I really left the stage beaming and couldn’t stop smiling all weekend. My teacher’s name is Betsy Stover. I don’t know if I could feel as good and confident as I am now if I didn’t have her as a teacher. I’m still saving up to take my next class. I miss improv a shit ton. It blows not having it, especially with my job being so shitty. I’m just really glad I found something that makes me genuinely happy.
I’m no longer at that miserable job. I still love improv. I get to do it all the time now, almost every night. Recently, I feel like I forgot how much I love it and how happy it makes me, and instead I’ve been using this art form to shit on myself. I want so badly to be good that I forgot the reason why I wanted to be good in the first place: to give something back to the thing that at one point made me “the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
I’m going to try not to forget this again. I want to carry this memory with me when I have bad sets or scenes, and know that I am doing something that lights up my days and makes me so happy.
I loved reading this and remembering that day. Improv was magic to me and through some dumb luck I signed up for that class and I got to be magic for a day.